Abelina

That's how I'm feeling right now, these days, lately, in regards to fandom.  I'm itching for that connection again, to be in the midst of it, to be writing and reading, to dive right in and belong again.  Have you ever been asleep and have one of those slow wake-ups, where your brain is aware, you can tell what's going on around you (through a hazy kind of filter), but you just can't breech the surface?  That's how I can best describe me, right now.

My newest obsession -- Doctor Who -- has woken up the fangirl, but I've yet to make more than a tiny ripple in that community yet.  I'm writing, slowly, tentatively while the character voices solidify themselves in my head, but not ready to share.  Not yet.

What it's making me want desperately is a return to BtVS, to finish what I've left unfinished.  I'm afraid that fandom has either moved on without me, or has died out altogether.  I've neglected it badly, since I stopped writing, and now in the upward swing of what I have come to understand is my normal cycle of writing/complete writers' block/writing again, I am wondering if I will be able to come back at all.  The last time this happened I changed fandoms--Star Wars: Expanded Universe to Buffy the Vampire Slayer--and I'm wondering if this time I can manage both.

Can I write for Buffy and Doctor Who?  Can I even get writing again at all?  I've written more this past month than I have in years (about 14,000 words over two Doctor Who stories -- why do I always start out with long fics when I'm so much better at completing short ones? -- plus the 600 or so it took to finish the Spuffy-centric "That Easy" which was almost done), but it's not yet reached the point where I feel I'm truly back.

But I want to be.  It's been a long time since I've fallen hard enough for something to want to write in it.  I'm fannish by nature but it takes something special to inspire me to write for it, and Doctor Who, mostly Ten/Rose, has done that.  I'm trying to wake my Spuffy muses, too.

I'm floating here, just on the cusp of waking up, and I really, desperately need to.

Well, hello everyone.  I feel like a stranger around here these days.  I've tried to keep caught up but it seems by the time I do, days have gone by and I can't think of anything to say.  Not had a lot of time for writing, either, or even going online.  I try and read most of your posts, even if I don't respond to them.

I've been writing again, a little bit anyway, which is great.  For a while there I've hardly been able to string two words together.  I realized the other day that I haven't updated Could Be You since January.  It doesn't seem like it's been that long!

An old original story of mine has taken over my brain again, one which was finished years ago but because I started writing it in 1995, has never been completed to my satisfaction.  I've re-written it a number of times and abandoned the most recent attempt, and now I realize why I have always simultaneously loved and hated it.  I love the concept and the characters, but the story itself was the problem.  I had only ever just reworked the scenes I conjured up as a teenager, and though the style of writing has improved, the story itself remains juvenile.

So I'm completely rewriting it.  Same basic concept, same characters (for the most part), but with completely different scenes and a more adult feel to it.  Some of the events will remain the same but retold in a better way.  At least that is my intention.  The nearly 4500 word first draft of the first chapter is done, and for the first time, I truly like it.

I also  have 1700 words written on Could Be You, chapter 13.  I'm still debating whether to post that little section by itself just to have something, or if I want to combine a couple of smaller parts to move the story along faster.  I guess I will see how quickly the rest of things take shape.  The story is approaching its conclusion and I'm kind of just ready to be finished with it.

. . . you were writing a scene but had to leave to do something in town (appointment, whatever), and while you're out, your mind comes up with THE PERFECT bit of dialogue or description or whatever to complete the scene.  So you're out and about and think over the idea for a little bit, figuring that you'll just be able to go and write it when you get home, but when you get there, you can't remember exactly what it was - what was that word?  Did Spike say this or that?

This happened to me today.  I was floating down a river in an inflatable boat and thought of a great bit of dialogue for one of the fics I'm writing, and now I just can't get it to sound/feel like what I came up with.

:(

So, I've just posted my first-ever Buffy fanfic online!  Well, the first chapter of one of two that I am currently working on.

Anyone who might be interested can read it here.  It will eventually contain adult content, so anyone who prefers not to read such things probably shouldn't click.

Anyway, I'm excited.  Bouncy even.  I haven't written this much in years and I'm glad to be back in the fiction game.

~Abby